Dissonant Chords
by HarmonyRose
Summary: Out of desperation Tsunade uses Konoha’s funds to pay off a gambling debt. To cover it up, she sends Team Seven and Team Gai on a “mission” to make up for the lost funds. Will the teams be prepared for what awaits them? A joint project with Lady Kaliska.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N's: This is a joint project by both Harmony Rose and Lady Kaliska. This is our attempt at a humorous fic aka crackfic. Also, a big thanks to Popping Fresh for beta'ing this!**

**Disclaimer: Neither Lady Kaliska or HarmonyRose own Naruto. Can you imagine what Naruto would be like if we did? It would be completely AU, highly ironic, and all the commas would be in the wrong places.**

**Story Description: Out of desperation Tsunade uses Konoha's city funds to pay off a gambling debt or three. To cover it up, she sends Team Seven and Team Gai on a "mission" to make up for the lost funds. Will the teams find themselves prepared for what awaits them?**

**Dissonant Chords: Chapter 1  
**

Bang! There was a solid knock on the door and for once Tsunade wasn't hung over (enough) for her to cringe in pain at the sound, but she would soon remedy that. Her hand went to her forehead to cradle it against the dull throb, focusing on the objective at hand. She pasted a wan, thin smile on her face as several shinobi entered her office. Inside, she was chucking madly to herself, but she needed to keep up the appearances. Being the gullible little shinobi that these two teams were, they wouldn't know what hit them until it was far too late for them to back out.

Team Seven and Gai's squad were watching her silently waiting for their orders. They seemed a bit surprised to see their two teams in the office together. The two groups felt rising excitement at the prospect of the challenge of an impending mission. If Tsunade had summoned both teams, then maybe they would be lucky enough to embark on a dangerous S-Class mission. They hadn't done one of those in a long while and both teams were hungry for a new challenge.

And they would be getting an S-class mission, just not one that they would be excited about when they knew all of what it entailed. The sly grin on Tsunade's face widened as she greeted them, her voice taking on the strict note that came naturally when divulging a mission, "I have a mission, an S-Class one that requires two teams."

The blonde woman folded her hands under her chin and leaned forward as if to stress the importance of the mission, "This mission comes with a nice bonus if you complete it to the client's satisfaction. It is a dangerous mission and you must take it seriously." What she didn't add was that it would be much more damaging to their pride than their physical bodies. Had the shinobi in the room been able to foreshadow the horror that was to come, they would have ran for their lives (and possibly mental health) out of the office faster than Tsunade could say the word sake, which was pretty fast--except of course when she was drunk.

Naruto's orange clad body quivered with excitement. The motion reminded those in the room of his infamous pee-pee dance but no one commented on this. He ecstatically threw a hand up in the air, pumping his arm as he did so, "Alright Baa-chan! Finally a mission that sounds exciting for once!"

Sasuke turned his uncaring gaze to focus steadfastly onto the Hokage and waited calmly in the usual Uchiha manner for her to continue as she was delivering the mission in a seemingly over-dramatic way. But perhaps that was just his imagination... if such a thing actually existed in his head.

Tsunade shot a glare at the exuberant blond, irritated at him and yet expecting his reaction. Shaking her head she continued to explain, ignoring the suspicious looks of the gathered shinobi, "As I was saying... this mission is S-Class. You are to go to Onagakure and meet the contact who will divulge the rest of the mission... the address is in the scroll." She leaned over the desk and handed the parchment to Kakashi.

Kakashi who was never one to rush to open a mission scroll or actually be even in a _slight_ hurry to do _anything_, found himself rapidly opening the scroll. If he could find something to object to in the scroll he wouldn't have to take the mission. However, as he unrolled the parchment he saw that there wasn't anything to object to, as the scroll was nearly empty. On the top in messily scrawled (in other words drunken) handwriting was the title "Missing Person's Case" and under there was simply an address.

He was sure that this was some sort of trick, for there wasn't enough information on this mission scroll. Tsunade obviously knew more about this mission than she was letting on. She wouldn't just randomly send two of her best jounin teams on a very vague, perilous and mysterious mission. Something was up and he didn't like the feeling he had about this.

Tsunade continued with a wave of her hand, "I do not know all of the details, which is why I'm sending your teams to inquire further," which was not entirely true but the blonde ignored this little fact as she asked, "Any questions? Or objections?"

She didn't stop even a moment before she began to shoo the nine ninja out the door, cutting off her pink-haired protégé's inquiry about the fishiness of this mission.

In the hall they all exchanged confused glances, except for Naruto who was excited by the thought of this new 'challenging' mission and Sai who never looked like he ever cared about anything in life to begin with.

Gai broke the silence by exclaiming a youthful challenge to his rival, "Kakashi my hip, cool rival! Whoever has his whole team at the gate ready and packed to go first wins this awesome, awesome challenge and the loser will have to set up both team's camps all by themselves in under 6 minutes and 27 seconds! My personal record..."

Kakashi merely smiled beneath his mask, knowing that no matter how he replied, Gai would go ahead and continue with this 'contest' with or without anyone's consent. Kakashi dipped his chin shallowly at the green clad male letting him interpret the gesture however he wished. Team seven, minus Sai flinched at the loud whoop that came from the other team's sensei. Team Gai, not including Lee, was glaring at their sensei already irritated by his antics. Not that their sensei even noticed said annoyed looks.

They couldn't believe they had to put up with this and frankly both of them wondered why they hadn't gone insane yet. A thought struck Neji, what if he was insane already and he just wasn't aware of it? The Byakugan-wielder shivered minutely in mental distress. "Oh please no," he whispered almost inaudibly.

His female teammate heard him and questioned him, arching a brown eyebrow at the usually stoic male, "Please what? You actually want this challenge? Oh no, now I'm the only sane one on this team."

Everyone stared at the coffee haired male a moment wondering what had him hyperventilating, only to find themselves a bit disturbed by it. Naruto interrupted the sudden silence, "YOSH! So, I'm going to go pack. The last one to the gate is a rotten Akatsuki member!" With that said, the male was gone in the blink of an eye, thus leaving the rest of the two teams to disperse at their leisure.

Gai-sensei and Lee took off running in a blaze of kicked up dust, while Kakashi reached into his back pocket and pulled out Icha Icha Make Out Tactics Volume 37 and began to read, hiding the small, mischievous grin under his mask.

Sakura glanced back as she strode out of the hall flicking her gaze in her sensei's direction and had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. Instinctively she knew that this was going to be quite the odd mission, especially if she knew that look on Tsunade-sama's face as well as she thought she did.

* * *

Back in her office, Tsunade was feeling very self-satisfied, she'd managed to pull the wool over several of her finest shinobi's eyes, besides, this really was an important mission...sort of. Okay, not really. Admittedly, she shouldn't have participated in that one bet yesterday or the one last week, or the two the week before. (Was it two or were there more?)

Honestly, the pay for the Hokage wasn't all that great. She'd paid with her salary at first, but when she realized she wouldn't have enough, she was unable to resist the temptation of 'borrowing' from the Konoha coffers. After her drunken haze had worn off, she realized what she'd done.

Of course she regretted it, but she knew that should the temptation rise again, she would probably do the same. Thinking about this from an outsider's standpoint, Tsunade realized that almost anybody could track the missing assets back to her and that this was undeniably a weakness where other countries and enemies could exploit her weaknesses for their own benefit.

So she contacted an old connection and luckily he'd needed help and was willing to pay the fee for three S-Class missions. Not only would it cover the missing amount, it would line her pockets nicely as well. Of course this 'mission' wouldn't be in the official records. All she needed was a week. Hopefully those old bastards of the council didn't figure out what she was up to before then, otherwise, she might have to plot murder next. Now THAT would be a drag.

It seemed her wish was not to be fulfilled, as there was another sharp knock on the door. Tsunade answered the knock with a bellowing, "Just come in already!" Unfortunately she soon wished she hadn't because there, standing on the threshold of her office stood two prominent members of the council. Hopefully they didn't know yet...

Tsunade was minutely relieved when it wasn't the old bag and the lanky elderly man who was often spotted following the old crone around like a lost puppy. Sighing she folded her hands and set her elbows on the table, focusing her honey brown eyes on them. She did her best to sound polite, "What can I help you with today?"

"As much as we appreciate your politeness for once, we have a very serious issue to talk to you about," the older man, whom Tsunade previously didn't bother to learn the name of, spoke authoritatively.

Tsunade kept her cool, knowing that if she reacted they would definitely know something was up, "Oh?" letting out a breath she nodded her head, "What is this 'serious issue' that you want to discuss?"

The second old man attempted to level Tsunade with a look, but she continued to play it cool, even raising a honey blonde eyebrow at his forbidding expression. "I think you know what we've come to talk about," the older man once again spoke sternly.

Tsunade shook her head, her bangs swaying with the movement, "Frankly, I do not. If you have nothing to report to me than you are wasting my time." The attempt at being polite was gone with a flare of impatience, "I have a lot of paper work to fill out today and I would rather not be disturbed...if you have something to say...say it now."

The properly irritated younger council member (although he still appeared to be in his late 400's) responded, "We have noticed a certain amount of 'misplaced' funds. Perhaps you might have seen them? Or maybe given them away?"

Tsunade did her best to look innocent, but she only aroused more suspicion by the unusual behaviorism. She adopted a thoughtful look and lied outright, "No, I haven't. However, I will have Shizune look over the records and have the report sent back to you by the end of the week." Then she smiled, "I'm sure there's a mistake in there somewhere."

The two council members gazed at her suspiciously. They didn't believe her crap for even an instant, not with that innocent expression. She obviously knew or had something to directly to do with the missing funds; otherwise she would have sent them flying across Konoha for trying to falsely accuse her. They knew she was up to something all right; they were just biding their time waiting for her to mess up.

Tsunade could see the suspicion on their faces but she held her stance, "Now gentlemen if that is all..." she picked up a stack of papers and clapped them against her desk, "I have a lot of work that needs to be done."

They two men looked as if they were thinking something over and then the one that was the self proclaimed leader of the duo pointed a bony finger at her, "I know you're up to something but we will be generous... you have one week to set this to rights... not a day more." And in a swirl of gray and black robes the elderly council members exited her office with a slam of the door.

Tsunade sighed deeply in relief and hoped that those two teams didn't encounter any problems and preformed their jobs correctly; otherwise, she'd be in trouble of gigantic proportions. A devious smirk lit her face, she couldn't wait till she got their mission reports, and hopefully they would have good, juicy details. Naruto's would be especially good since he tended to over-exaggerate all the action and leave out the unimportant details that related to the mission itself.

Oh well, all she could do was wait at this point. Tipping her now nearly empty bottle of sake into her cup, she lifted it staring into its silvery depths. She swirled the contents lost in thought for a moment, a slow smile spreading across her face. Yes, she was definitely looking forward to those mission reports.

* * *

Please Review. It would make both of us happy. Let us know what you liked and disliked. Was it funny enough? Too funny? (Like that'll ever happen.) Where do you think they're going and what do you think they're going to do there? I bet you can't figure it out.

Many reviews=Happy authoresses + faster updates

So Please REVIEW, authoresses need that kind of moral support.

HarmonyRose and Lady Kaliska


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait guys. I hope you enjoy this next installment of this joint project.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto. Nopers.

**Chapter 2**

The two shinobi teams arrived in Onagakure, eyes widening at the sight it presented. It was a colorful village, certainly as were its residents. Myriads of hues mixed and swirled before their bedazzled eyes. Many of the homes were not one solid color, like in Konoha. The people, that milled through the streets, in their bright silks reminded the shinobi of the people who marched in city parades, except it was obvious that for these villagers. This was normal.

If the shinobi hadn't been trained to take everything in stride, their faces would have shown that they were rendered in extreme shock. Staring openly at the colorful and un-shinobi like appearance of the citizens, they suddenly all had the feeling that this would be an eventful mission, if not a frightening one.

"My eyes," Neji's cream clad colored arm covered the bridge of his nose, his body twitching at the onslaught on his senses. Tenten, patted him soothingly, murmuring words of encouragement. Gai, Lee, and Naruto on the other hand had vibrant sparkles in their eyes. As the three of them walked amongst the citizenry, they blended amongst the populace the best, with their orange, black, and infamous green attire.

Amid the sea of vibrant colors the other ninja felt out of place. Their clothes that were colored for camouflaging themselves, were failing and in fact making them more conspicuous. Spurred on by their paranoia of being out in the open and surrounded by people, the shinobi hurried to the address on the mission scroll, hoping it would be a place where sanity reigned.

Sai eyed the populous with an artistic eye. He tilted his head to the side, thoughts of the interesting palette of shades and hues that this strange village filled his mind as he ambled along at a slow pace behind the group.

Sakura watched her sensei curiously as he opened the scroll with fumbling fingers, a first ever, as far as her memories of him went. He mumbled the address out loud, and lifting his chin, he searched around, looking for any indication of where they were in the city and where they needed to go. Kakashi, by nature was an outgoing shinobi, if there was such a thing. He was reluctant to ask the strange looking locals were now eyeing them like they were the weirdos, anything.

The pink-haired woman was amused by the brightness of the city and it's warring colors starkly reminded her of when she and Ino Yamanaka tried to outdo each other in a contest of who was the most brightly dressed. Ino at one point had had a fuchsia shirt and a tight deep purple skirt, whereas Sakura had been dressed in her vibrant cherry and emerald attire. This had of course been before Kakashi -sensei informed them that shinobi weren't to be heard or seen. The contest had dissolved itself soon afterward

Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Kakashi spared Gai a glance making a quick decision. He asked the overly excited male, "Gai..."

Gai didn't hear him the first time. He was too busy pointing at a balloon vendor and Kakashi strode over to him, and hit him over the head with the rolled up parchment, "Gai..."

Finally the older man turned around and rewarded Kakashi with an inquisitive gaze, "Yes my youthful rival?"

Sighing Kakashi asked through gritted teeth doing his best not to lose his temper with the other squad leader, "Would you mind asking that vendor... where this address is located?"

"Yes, my rival! And if I fail to complete this task I will youthfully complete five-hundred push-ups!" The Green Blob of Konoha shouted as the rest of the group ignored him and pretended that they weren't with him. However, the people surrounding them didn't seem to notice it, like it was an everyday occurrence.

Gai walked with a youthful hop over toward the balloon vendor and proceeded to compliment him on his wonderful and youthful stand, before tactless asking where the address they were looking for was located

The vendor glanced at the address on the parchment, and gave their group a piercing stare. The shinobi returned the baleful gaze. Then suddenly the man's face became cheerfully bright, almost blindingly so, causing Kakashi to twitch uncomfortably, "OH – well this address is to the Grand Ol' Opera Hall. You just need to head down the street and take a left and the noodle vendor stand -- it'll be on your right side -- can't miss it."

Sakura laughed, there was no way an opera house hired them. Perhaps they would just be waiting for a contact there, which would be consistent with the minimal amount of writing on the scroll.

The other members of the group exchanged thoughtful glances. That couldn't be right, could it? It just had to be a meeting place. Gai thanked the vendor and rolled up the parchment and smiled brightly at the group, "Well off we go..."

The group made their way down the street, stopping only when Naruto became over-excited at the sight of the noodle shop. In fact he became so excited he began to jump up in down and shouting with glee that he hadn't seen a ramen shop in weeks. Of course it had only been a day and a half since they'd all eaten dinner at Ichiraku. Sai the blunt voice of truth told Naruto that he was being over-dramatic and when Naruto still hadn't stopped blabbering Sakura developed a tick in her forehead and clenched her fist, until she couldn't take it anymore and delivered a solid knock over his head. As the cerulean eyed boy rubbed the sore spot on his head, his female teammate grabbed the back of his brightly colored clothes at the neck and began dragging him past the ramen shop and to their destination.

They stopped outside the supposed correct address. Kakashi checked the contents of the parchment and the corresponding number on the building thrice. His shoulders sagged slightly, "Seems this is the place."

Sakura lifted her chin, her green eyes darting back and forth, looking for anyone who could possibly be their contact, "There's no one here..."

"Well then," Sasuke grumbled and added as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "We should go inside -- and check it out..."

Walking into the, surprising normal colored building the teams were once again shell shocked when they saw the inside of the building. It was painted vibrant shades of scarlet, tangerine, lime green, and grape purple. The walls were covered with a myriad of different pictures, some looked ancient while others looked brand new. Surveying their surroundings and the pictures they were surprised to see full costumes and dramatic scenes acted out in them. Neji felt that he should have known that the interior would be this wild simply because the construction of the outside doors. They had been completely impractical and lined with metals and glimmering gaudy jewels, (probably fake) but he had been hoping against all rational that this building would be normal and most of all sane.

A loud, booming voice drew their attention, "Welcome to my hall children! You must be the people I sent for from Konoha," a man dressed in vivid orange pants that ballooned out ridiculously at the ankles and a violet shirt that said 'viva la opera' in garish gold print, "You are the ones that Tsunade-sama chose to send me -- I see..."

Neji's brows shot up. Well, the hope that there would be some sanity in its rightful place went right down the tubes, along with the sinking feeling in his gut.

Naruto chose at the moment to exclaim that he and his current employer matched. It was blindingly obvious to the other ninja that these two would get along fine as they wore the same awful shade of marmalade orange.

Sakura had the feeling that her sensei had royally screwed the whole lot of them over. She knew her teacher all too well, and she was growing uneasy by the moment.

She cleared her throat loudly, drawing the attention of the occupants in the room to her, "Would you please explain what you mean completely? What exactly were we contracted out for?" She already knew that she probably wasn't emotionally ready for the answer to follow. Even still, she braced herself.

The other ninjas turned inquiring gazes onto their employer. The garishly dressed man lit up, "Of course I'll explain! You see it's all rather simple. My actors and actresses have all disappeared and..."

Kakashi looked around before muttering sarcastically under his breath, "I wonder why?

The man paused thinking something over and then suddenly gave a grand flourish and snap of the wrist, the ruffled cuffs around his wrists fluttering dramatically with the grandiose movement, "All of you shall take their place." He ignored the myriad of shocked gasps of pale faces. He mistook their reactions for something else completely. "Do not worry. I shall be very forgiving of those with the lack of talent. I will make certain to cast all of you accordingly. All of you should do just fine."

"What?" shouted Sakura, who at that moment swore she would kill her sensei, no matter if she was the Hokage or not. None of the ninja could believe that they were going to have to put on a performance and a few were looking around for any means of exit.

Lee who had been silent through the whole exchange suddenly stepped forward, while putting a hand over his chest in what he honestly believed to be a grand gesture. "I understand. If that is your desire -- then I will gladly accept the youthful role of the hero."

The man chuckled, he quite happy with the boy's enthusiasm, "We'll see when I cast all of you. Though I can see you are a very youthful man. I will have to take that into account." He looked over toward the other ninja, all of whom had the most awful looks of pain on their face. He blatantly ignored said looks, before making a sweeping motion toward the stage, "Time for tryouts."

While Gai was looking upon Lee with his usual pride, Tenten's head snapped up at that, her brown eyes rounding into saucers, "We just got here. I think that's a little too much too quickly. Not to mention, we've never done anything like this before in our entire lives. Don't opera singers and actors train for the things like this their entire lives?"

Neji nodded his head, relieved that there was at least another sane person here with him. He asked, "Mr...."

The man slapped his palm to his forehead in a dramatic gesture, "Where are my manners? I didn't even give you my name! I must just have been too excited by your arrival to remember. You may call me..." He paused, "The Don."

Naruto caught up in the moment shifted his eyes to the Don and then sent Lee a disgruntled look, "What do you mean you take the spot of the hero? Everyone knows that I'm perfect for the role of the hero."

Lee didn't even pause, "To prove my worth I-" Tenten clapped a hand over her teammates babbling mouth. Naruto continued to argue with Lee, though the later couldn't speak. "Dobe," Sasuke glared at Naruto tired of his antics.

Sakura's fingers twitched. The longing to smack her rambunctious teammate in the back of the head blossomed in the young woman. Naruto caught the gleam in Sakura's green eyes and ducked his head, too cowed to say anything else.

Neji, keeping up his stoic appearances, continued, "Don.."

He was cut off by his employer, "No, it's THE Don."

Tenten could have sworn she saw her teammate twitch, before he settled and once again addressed the man, making sure to put the correct amount of emphasis on his title, "THE Don, Tenten is right. We have traveled a long time and require a respite."

The Don furrowed his brow, "Alright if you insist I'll give you ten minutes."

Tenten frowned at the Don, but didn't say anything. His bright gray eyes met hers with a sparkle she didn't quite like, "As for your previous question 'little panda' you are correct. However you can just use that chakra thingy you ninjas use to complete that sort of task easily enough." He waved them away dismissively after that announcement. Tenten nearly took out her weapons scroll there. She hated that nickname.

Sakura stared at the man confused, there was no application of chakra that could make you a good singer or actor. She would know as Tsunade had made sure she memorized the extensive list of known chakra applications. Sakura knew then and there that they were royally screwed.

Everyone took that moment to step away and huddle together. The urge to discuss the situation was eating at them all. The majority of both teams were planning escape routes, while three of the party was already mentally casting themselves in their dream roles.

Ten minutes passed way too soon for the ninja, particularly the ones plotting escape as they still hadn't found a plausible way to leave. The Don came back and once again gestured to the stage. With the exception of three ninja, who were happy to go to the stage, the rest glared first at the owner and then at the stage itself before grudgingly moving toward the set.

In his haste to beat Lee and Gai up the set of stairs leading to the dais, Naruto tripped on the stairs. Lee pranced past him victoriously, and once ahead of the blond, he slowed down into a proud walk.

"Dickless –" Sai muttered under his breath. Sasuke was the only one who caught the jab at Naruto's idiocy, and might have laughed if he had actually possessed a sense of humor.

Sakura, exasperated, pulled Naruto by the neck of his jacket up the stairs with his body dragging. "Baka," she said loudly having no qualms about the rest hearing her. She felt it was the truth and what you could you say if not the truth.

Kakashi was doing his best to seem nonchalant about the whole thing, but the triumphant look on Gai's face was beginning to bother him. He chalked it down to stress. He itched to reach into his back pocket and considered using his precious orange book to clobber the irritating man over his ridiculous bowl shaped haircut head. He let out a soft sigh, before rubbing the bridge of his nose above his mask. He must be losing it. It wasn't like the action would actually smack sense into the older man anyway. Besides he couldn't let his precious book be marred by his self-proclaimed rival.

The Don swept an appraising glance over the assembled ninja and decided to let the most eager of the bunch go first. The Don lifted his hand, directing the groups' attention to him. "Line up please. Right there is perfect. Excellent darlings! All I want you to do is to pick a song you like, any at all -- and sing it until I tell you to stop. Little green man, and oh yes -- give me your names as we go down the line." He gestured for Lee to begin.

Gai was proud of his student. He was youthful enough to be chosen to go first, surely that would count in his favor. Gai beamed brightly at his student, he would surely do his sensei proud.

Lee nodded enthusiastically, before giving a blindingly dazzling smile, "Yes. I am Rock Lee"

"Wonderful Lee," the Don nodded, "You may begin."

Everyone's eyes zeroed in on the enthusiastic nin, wondering what the miniature green beast would choose to sing. Suddenly, Lee's chest puffed up and out, and without shame he began to belt out Konoha's anthem. Neji felt disappointed by his teammate's choice, he had already picked the somber and serious song to sing. At least it would have served to make him look less ridiculous.

Unfortunately, this version of Konoha's anthem was anything but somber. Lee's voice hit several notes that shouldn't have been physically possible, but that was to be expected as Lee had always strove to do the impossible. The Don stopped him after the first five words.

The Don smiled politely, though it looked more like a grimace. He removed his hands from their position over his ears cautiously, fearful of any echoes or reverberations. For the first time in his life he was appalled that the room was built to carry and amplify the vibrato sound of the singers. "Thank you, Lee. Next please." There was a faintly pleading sound to his last statement that none of the other ninjas missed.

Lee tilted his head to the side, "Are you certain Don-san, I mean the Don --" he took a step forward, "There are sixty two more verses to that splendid song."

The Don shook his head hard, "No, no that was enough Lee. Thank you."

Naruto shouldered Lee back, "Yeah you had your turn Lee." He turned to face the Don, "I'm Naruto."

The Don was a bit leery of what would possibly come out of the rambunctious blond's mouth whose enthusiasm matched Lee's. "Very good Naruto. You may begin."

His fears were unfounded though. Naruto despite his whiny normal voice, had a beautiful low baritone. The Don was amazed at such a transformation that he failed to realize what the song was. A few times throughout his selection Naruto's voice went a hair out of tune, but it was nothing major. Naruto finished his selection and for a second there was no sound until the Don stood and clapped enthusiastically while the others stared in shock. Who knew Naruto was actually talented at something?

The girls couldn't help themselves, they gave Naruto a small round of applause which caused the blond to blush to his roots. Kakashi couldn't help himself. He sent Gai a smirk through the black mask. However Gai didn't notice it, he was focused instead on the Don. It was his turn.

The girls couldn't help themselves, they gave Naruto a small round of applause which caused the blond to blush to his roots. Kakashi couldn't help himself. He sent Gai a smirk through the black mask. However Gai didn't notice it, he was focused instead on the Don. It was his turn.

Gai stepped forward, giving the Don a military salute, "Hello I am Maito Gai and I will now for your listening pleasure continue where my student left off."

It didn't take the Don too long to figure out who he meant by his student. The two were practically a matching set. He cleared his throat nervously, knowing this was going to be probably just as interesting as Lee's performance, especially when Gai gifted him with the same dazzling smile. Did that man's teeth just sparkle? The Don gaped up at him and braced himself all at the same time.

Relief flooded the Don when instead of a belting, near yelling rendition of the song, what came out instead was a pleasant, almost guttural and yet smooth baritone that was nearly bass. However after four verses into the song, he held up his hand and halted him, "Thank you Gai. That's more than enough." The Don made a mental note to send Tsunade-sama a letter to admonish her for allowing her prestigious Konoha to have such a boring anthem. But what could he expect? It was a ninja village? However if he heard, a spirit infused with fire one more time, he would yank his hair out by the roots.

Sighing as this was turning out to be more troublesome than he'd originally thought, the Don motioned for Kakashi to step up.

"Kakashi," he said putting away his orange book that he'd taken out to prevent the nightmares he was sure he would have from Lee's earlier singing. Kakashi took a breath and easily let out his smooth tenor in a song choice that painted the younger ninjas' faces red in embarrassment. It was the theme song to the movie version of Icha Icha Paradise. Sakura was horrified at her Sensei's choice. Red faced from more than just embarrassment, Sakura snuck up behind her Sensei and tapped his shoulder before promptly knocking him out. She caught him and dragged him back into line before bowing deeply and apologizing sincerely for her sempai's behavior.

The Don waved away Sakura's sincere apology. It wasn't a song he would have himself picked, however, that was neither here nor there. He gestured towards the still blushing young brunette who kept her hair in two prim buns over the tops of her ears.

Tenten stepped forward and offered her name, while wringing her hands in front of her, "Tenten." Pausing to calm her nerves she sucked in a deep breath, and in a mellow alto, she sang the first thing that came to her mind. A simple tune she'd learned in her pre-academy days, filled the grand hall. Her voice was pleasant and even. It didn't stand out in any way as anything special. The Don let her finish the simple song, before giving her a small word of praise for her efforts that made her flush with embarrassment, "Excellent my dear. Thank you."

Spirit's regenerating themselves after a few passing performances, the Don motioned one of the black-haired boys to begin. Expressionless, the boy took a small step forward and though he knew that the performance was supposed to be some sort of Art, he just couldn't care enough to think up a song. In Root he'd never been taught any music besides the instrumental music from those who had used it as their technique. However, he didn't think that music that caused death was very fitting for the moment and besides that was instrumental music; he was supposed to sing. So, he did the only thing logical. He stated his name, "Sai." Then he stayed silent.

Everyone looked at Sai expectantly and curiously. After a minute of awkward silence the Don suddenly clasped his hands against his chest excitedly startling the others, "I have just the role for you! Thank you, Sai. Next."

Sasuke moved forward although with the scowl he was wearing, it was obvious he was none too pleased with the ordeal. He shoved his hands into his pocket, slouching slightly, attitude apparent in the set of his shoulders. He cleared his throat before finally speaking, "Sasuke."

The Don smiled, while giving the boy an encouraging nod to continue. Then to the horror of almost everyone, and they had thought Kakashi's was bad, instead of singing a song, Sasuke began to recite a poem he'd written one rainy afternoon about his idealistic rendition of planning his older brother's demise.

After about half a page in, the Don stopped the bloody, and grotesque poetry with a quick interjection, "Thank you. That will be enough."

Sasuke just nodded with a blank look on his face and stepped back into place. Naruto gave Sakura a look, arching his brow that said, _"Why did you have a crush on this guy again?"_ Her response was to send him a glare that promised pain.

Neji stepped up without being asked. He somewhat figured the Don was going to call on him next anyway. The Don raised a brow at this, finally someone who he didn't have to prod to step up, excluding that first kid, but he didn't want to think about that right now. "Neji," he announced before he sighed and sucked in a drag of air. His voice came out in a pure, light tenor. His selection was a song his father had sung when he put him to bed in the evenings. Hearing the lyrics again after so many years, Neji suspected that the song was actually a tribute to his mother that his father had written. It wasn't a long song and Neji was thankful for that, because it was sort of, kind of a love song and he couldn't just go around ruining his reputation for extended periods of time.

Neji opened his eyes when he was finished and was a little frightened at the look on the Don's face.

The two girls were standing in awe of his performance. Rather shocked since Neji didn't seem the type to even know a love song. Gai was attempting to shoot Kakashi a smug look, however, said copy-nin was still unconscious, so the emotion behind the look lost quite a bit of effect.

Sakura squared her shoulders and presented herself as she took a small step forward, breaking from the line, "I'm Sakura." She felt nervous trembles dance up the length of her spine when the Don gestured for her to start. She drew in a tremulous breath, and shut her eyes.

She'd only ever sung in the shower, just like any other normal person. At least she figured it to be normal. At first her voice was low and barely audible, but with her eyes closed and the surprisingly comforting silence surrounding her, it rose in decibels and finally the sound of her voice echoed around them.

The medic tomboy kunoichi surprised them all. Her normally gruff tone had smoothed out into an angelic soprano that belied the strong persona that was Sakura. Everyone was rather stunned by the sudden, hidden talent that presented itself. She didn't have the strength of an opera diva's voice, however, it was beautiful just the same.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself subject to the scrutiny of everyone. Blushing fiercely, she did what Sakura normally did. She lifted a hand and curled it into a warning fist. Everyone except the Don looked pointedly away, understanding the true weight of that unspoken threat.

Sakura gave a curt nod to the director and went to wake up her still knocked out Sensei. Once he was awake, and complaining of a migraine which the medic quickly took immediate care of, they left the opera house still stunned by the events of the day.

The warm sunlight bathed them, and most all of them were more relieved that, that was over then they'd like to admit. Neji stepped out in front of them all, and pinned them with a look that spoke volumes. Once he was certain he had everyones' attention he announced, "While I admit that I am most -- displeased with the finer points of this mission."

The entire group sent him a sharp glare. That didn't even cover half of what many of them felt. However they waited for him to continue with what he had to say.

"When this is all said and done. I would hope that the mission report pertaining to this -- is something that we can all agree on. The less that is said -- the better."

En masse they all exchanged knowing glances and in unison, minus a confused Gai, Naruto, and Lee, they nodded.

* * *

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Back again with another installment!

Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to Naruto!

**Chapter 3**

With varying amounts of dread the group of shinobi returned to the opera house the next morning. Trying to ignore the garish decor, the majority of the group shivered violently when the Don shouted his greetings.

The Don's wide-mouthed grin didn't help the anxiety eating at them. Even though they were apprehensive of what was to come. There was another part of them that was a little excited to see what parts they'd procured. Even though none of them with maybe the exceptions of Lee and Naruto would admit such a ridiculous thing out loud.

Which they promptly did after the Don's greeting. Clamoring to get over to the Don both ninja ended up stumbling over each other before asking in unison, "Did I get the role of the hero?" Realizing that that they had both spoken at the same time both turned scowls on their rivals.

Before it could turn into another challenge oriented match, both Tenten and Sakura strode up to the bickering boys and grabbed the lobe of the ears. They proceeded to drag them back to the group while muttering the usual apologies for their behavior to the Don. They ignored the boys' pained protests as they were forced to walk backwards. The girls had long ago wondered why it was that almost every team had just one female in it. The kuniochis had openly discussed it amongst themselves at a sleepover party a couple years ago, and they all came to the same conclusion. It was so there was at least one team member in every core group that had actual common sense and also so that they could keep the men, sensei's included – minus Kurenai – in line.

As soon as the Don turned toward the others in the group both kunoichi immediately reprimanded their teammates, or in Sakura's case she merely added another large goose egg to Naruto's head. Really – as he got older, Sakura found that he wasn't getting any more perceptive or mature. Sakura thought it was really quite a crying shame that his mind hadn't seemed to mature in the slightest as he got older. Suddenly, Sakura mentally pictured herself in ten years, older and stuck with the same idiotic teammates. It was a vision worthy of Itachi's Mangekyou.

The Don raised his hand to quieten the girls who were still lecturing the boys. He clapped his hands together once to draw the attention of the group back to him, "All right everyone. I'm certain you are quite excited the morning to find out what roles you've been casted in."

Kakashi muttered under his breath, "Not really."

The Don pretended he didn't hear that remark and continued on in a sickeningly cheerful voice, "On that table –" a gaudy ring glimmered in the bright morning light streaming in through the windows as he pointed to a small oak table to their right, "Is the scripts. Each has your names on it. Inside the first page, will have the name and the role of your character. Your lines for the character you are expected to play are also highlighted for your convenience."

Lee and Naruto rushed over to the table using all the speed of their training. The others moved much more cautiously toward the table. As the two excited shinobi rushed through the pile of scripts they tossed the others toward the group according to the name emblazoned on the covers until they reached the ones that held their names on it. Naruto, hurrying to get to the second page nearly tore the first to shreds. He read his role and sounding out the foreign name he asked, "Who is Prince Marco? Wait! Prince, does that mean I do get the hero role?"

The Don smiled benevolently, "No, actually I found that you were better suited to be the villain's son."

Naruto deflated momentarily as the news sunk in, before his visage fired up again, "What do you mean I'm the villain's son. That isn't right at all!"

The Don laughed, his hands fisted cradled on his hips. He arched a brow at the angry blond, "How many successful plays have you put on?"

When Naruto could only protest that didn't make a difference the Don spoke corrected his fumbling objections in a sharp tone that startled Naruto into silence, "That's what I thought. I have put on thousands of good plays, so please leave this to the expert."

Lee's dark eyes sparkled with mischievous mirth at the blond's expense, "See? Didn't I tell you that your youthfulness would not be enough for such a glorious part? You need more training." All the while Gai was nodding along with his student's words of wisdom to the team member of his greatest rival.

"Oh yeah? What part did you get?" Naruto challenged, his teeth gleaming in the light of the room. His lip furled, while he waited for Lee to answer.

Lee cleared his throat and finally looked at the role he was to play, "It says here that -- I am to be in the glorious and spectacular role of --" there as a minute pause, and then he cleared his throat, "Advisor to the King. I will be known as the wise Advisor Theo. And that my dialogue is to –" He screwed his eyes up at this last part, disbelief etched in his features, "to speak the part, not to sing it."

Naruto laughed at him openly, "You didn't get the hero's role either. At least I'm a prince. You're an Advisor. You'll have to wear a robe or a dress." The blond laughed hard, until tears started to drip from the corners of his eyes.

At Lee's downtrodden look, Gai shouted his form of encouragement, "My youthful student, we will just try harder next time! The spring time of youth will prevail!"

"Gai-sensei you are right!" Tears leaked from his eyes, "Youth will triumph!" After a few minutes of odd hugging from the two spandex-clad ninja, in which the other ninja tried desperately not to look and pretend it wasn't happening, Lee broke away from his mentor. "Gai-sensei what role were you cast as?" Lee asked curiously. Said Sensei blinked before turning the page in his script, "I am cast as the youthful Elder King Roberto, the villainous king who triumphed over King Savio of the south. I am also the father of Prince Marco."

Lee's eyes lit with excitement, "Gai-sensei, you get to play the role of a king! I knew that my sensei was the best! And Naruto, you get the honor of being the greatest king in the world's son! Isn't that wonderful for you?" Gai and Lee promptly started their hugging fest again and just as before the others studiously avoided eye contact.

Gai turned to Kakashi with a gleam in his eye, "So what role did my rival manage to get?"

Kakashi with a decidedly bored look on his face replied, "King Savio -- defeated king of the South."

Gai started to chuckle in a superior manner that Kakashi knew all too well, "I see. So it turns out in this my rival that I have defeated you. Even in this play I have youthfully conquered your country."

Kakashi knew exactly how to deflate his ego. A smirk curved his lips, "Ahh yes of course. But," Kakashi put a hand to forehead in a dramatic display, "I shall accept this defeat in good will – because at least I'm not," the sparkle in his eye intensified and his hand went to his chest, "the villain."

The words slowly seeped into Gai's brain, and the laughter suddenly stopped. Kakashi watched with satisfaction as the other male ground his teeth, "You are right my rival! You are the hero king who sacrificed for his country. Again our scores and losses are even."

Everyone watched with varied looks on their faces as Lee patted the sobbing Gai's back.

Not for the first time, Neji was relieved that he wasn't the favorite. His eyes fell to half mast at the sickening display and turned his face away. Tenten was also doing her best to ignore her sensei's and teammate's ridiculous behavior. It was one thing when their team was alone. However when they behaved this way in public, it still left her feeling a bit embarrassed for their sake.

Turning to his teammate, Neji lifted his brow in a gesture of inquiry. Sighing heavily, her features a grimace of resignation Tenten glanced for the first time at her role. She was relieved to see that she had a rather insignificant part. "I am Zita, a Lady in waiting for the princess of the South," her quiet voice reached over to her teammate and he nodded glad for her sake that she played a role she would be comfortable with. Maybe fate would be kind to him as well.

Neji flipped the cover over and his eyes scanned the director's flowery script. He studiously ignored the heart drawn next to his character's name, "I will be playing the role of the Princess's estranged lost lover," his lips mewed down into a frown, "The White Knight – Rico."

"What?" Lee and Naruto screeched at the same time, "Neji got the hero's role! What gives?"

Their eyes went to the director at the same time. At first they thought to protest but when the Don gave them a dark look that dared them to protest, they went silent.

Neji put a hand to his forehead, his displeasure marring his usually pristine emotionless mask, "Of all the parts I could have played – I obtained the one with the most foolish character in the play. The man should know when to leave well enough alone and take his loss with dignity."

Tenten glanced over and then smiled up at her teammate, "But Neji – it's very romantic." Then thinking about her words, she knew that they wouldn't have the positive effect on the male that she hoped they would have. Neji was probably the least romantic person she knew, and that was saying quite a bit, considering who her other two teammates were. They tried to be romantic with their prose but – women had long learned to avoid the boisterous Green Beasts of Konoha in the streets.

Neji turned icy eyes toward his teammate and hissed out like a disgruntled kitten, "Do not use my name and the word 'romantic' in the same sentence unless there is the presence of the words, 'is not' in between them."

Sakura tried hard to suppress her giggles at the other teams antics, a little snicker managed to escape. Glancing toward Neji, to make sure he hadn't heard her sound of amusement, she was relaxed when she realized he hadn't even noticed. Looking at his frightening countenance Sakura was hard pressed not to start laughing hysterically again and she thought with some amusement that she felt awfully sorry for whoever had to play the princess. Then with startling clarity Sakura had an epiphany; she was the only female left of the group, which could only mean one thing. Instead of having rosy cheeks from her laughter only moments before, Sakura's face went ashen as she turned the page on her packet.

Naruto, the first to notice his teammate's distress, asked with his features twisting into a inquisitive look, "What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura's glazed expression gave her team a scare. Slowly she answered, "I am to play Princess Livia, daughter of the king of the South, the lover of the white knight, and the main character." By that time even Sakura's lips had managed to become a pasty white and she teetered precariously on her feet. The shock seemed to have worsened after realizing she was the main character and her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she fainted. Neji, who happened to be standing the closest, jumped to her rescue, though not because he wanted her to be saved, but merely because it would sound bad to have a teammate injured on this mission from hell.

The Don who was quiet till then, clapped excitedly, "I knew those two were just right for those roles! Look Sakura fainted, just as a princess should and her knight was the first to react!"

Neji glared and desperately wished he was allowed to kill his client, but he turned up his nose and looked down at Sakura, "Worthless, she can't even stay conscious off the battlefield."

Sakura, having recovered briefly from her fainting spell only in time to hear Neji's speech, immediately flew out of his arms and attacked.

Her fingers went around the lapels of the surprised nin's collar. She glared at him, almost going nose to nose with him, "What in the hell did you just say?" She shoved him away from her with chakra enhanced strength. She rolled up her sleeves more than ready to take out some of her pent up frustration on the male whose eyes who were narrowing on her, "I'll show you whose worthless!" She raised a fist at him threateningly, "I'm going to kick your pale ass so hard that the stick that's stuck in there will snap in half."

Neji's face tightened with irritation at the female nin's near caterwauling. And what was this stick she was talking about. He didn't swing that way.

The male members on Sakura's team all looked at each other and shook their heads. It was one of the stupidest things they could think of, to piss someone like Sakura off. They all had learned the hard way.

Just as she was about to go for blood, Kakashi looped his arms beneath hers, understanding fully well that he was jumping right into the fire. He whispered in her ear and was pleased to see her deflate, although the fire in her eyes hadn't dimmed much.

Sakura turned to face the director, "Why am I playing the main role?" She reached up and grabbed a bit of her pink hair that held the jagged kunai cut tresses for perusal, "I don't even look like one. Shouldn't a princess be –"

"Beautiful?" Sai said out loud for her.

Naruto face palmed himself, he couldn't believe that Sai just said that. Kakashi had just calmed her down and now, Sai was going to get his ass kicked to hell and back.

Sakura's face flamed red but surprisingly enough she didn't react to Sai's comment like all the members of team seven thought she would. She jerked a thumb at the expressionless boy, "What he said."

The Don sighed in mock exasperation, "How many times have I told you all? I am experienced in these matters. Sakura, dear maybe you aren't the classic pretty, but artistically you are beautiful." Sai nodded for even he had noticed she was rather pleasing proportionally for drawing, well everything except for her forehead, that was still a little too large. Sakura narrowed her eyes incredulously; was he trying to flatter her?

The Don continued after his dramatic pause, "You have exotic features fitting of a main character. Besides your voice was just the right range. It is a perfect match!"

Lee cried out, "Sakura I always knew you were beautiful and youthful enough to be a princess!" Sakura was flat out embarrassed now and couldn't keep the color off her cheeks so in a typical Sakura fashion she raised her fist but quickly she remembered Kakashi's warning and sighed dejectedly. "Alright, I'll do it."

Sasuke glanced down at the paper script in his hand, his name etched in bold letters in the upper right corner. He already had a bad feeling about what lay on the other side. If the other males already obtained lead main roles, what was left for him? A knight maybe?

That thought bolstered his spirits somewhat, and he flipped open the first page. Quickly scanning down the list of names, and the roles, he finally found the part he'd be playing.

The blood drained from his face, leaving him so pale that he could give Sai some direct competition. He stuttered before he realized he was doing it, "L – L... Legaya. I'm playing a w – woman's role? A maid!"

No one laughed, at least not out loud. With startling clarity the majority of the group knew that The Don was going to die. Even if they could physically restrain Sasuke it would be next to impossible to keep his Sharingan inactive and there was no way a civilian would be able to stand up to that. However, Sasuke was so distraught and downright shocked that he couldn't manage to activate his bloodline. The Don, not realizing the peril he was in, began to talk on the virtues of the role, "It is such an honor to be able to play a different gender. Did you know that years and years ago all parts were played by males?" Sakura muttered to Tenten, "Those sexist sons of-" before The Don's voice grew louder and drowned out her voice. "Plus Sasuke-kun did you know you won't have to say almost anything? You have only a handful of lines so it should be easy to memorize."

Before Sasuke could deliver a scathing response to The Don, Sai shoved his open script in front of the Uchiha. The artist interjected in an emotionless tone, "If it makes you feel any better, I shall be playing the part of your twin. We will both be in the role of maids."

Sasuke's right eyebrow noticeably twitched. Before blood could be shed, Sakura grabbed Sai's elbow and pulled him out of hitting range. As she did so, Sai jerked around and fixed her with a look, or at least what could be considered one from Sai, "What is it Ugly? I'm not going to trade you parts."

Sakura immediately forgot that she'd intervened to save Sai from an act of violence about to be delivered on his person, and the female delivered a smart smack to the side of the male's head, which served to make her and Sasuke both feel minutely better.

"You idiot!" Screeched Sakura, "I don't want your part. I want you to shut up!"

"Ah! What good projection you have Sakura-chan! You might not even need a microphone to amplify your voice," The director stated enthusiastically. Sakura tried to remember the counting exercises that Kakashi-sensei had taught her to help keep her blood pressure down. Sadly, they were failing horribly and all she wanted to do was wring the infernal man's neck.

Always in the role of peace keeper, Tenten averted everyone's attention by direction a question to Sai, "Oh so what's your character's name?

Everyones' eyes snapped over to Sai, whose lips tilted slightly up at the corners, giving away the fact that he was trying to smile. Was he actually happy with playing the role of a woman? Tenten thought to herself silently. Though she couldn't say she was neither shocked, nor expecting his reaction. He was still someone that she couldn't quite figure out. Sakura had her sympathy. She glanced over at the said pink haired kunoichi whose breathing had finally slowed down to normal.

He responded with a shallow inclination of the head, "Vanna. A fitting name for the role of a mute maid."

"Heh, that's better than teme's maid's name," Naruto muttered softly but Sasuke still caught it, and sent him a glare promising later retribution.

Kakashi, catching the growing discord among the younger group members, spoke up in a diplomatic tone, "Maybe it would be to go look over the play individually at the inn rather than altogether?"

"Then you'll be back first thing in the morning?" The Don lost a bit of the maniacal gleam in his eyes and almost appeared sad that he wouldn't be able to direct (translate as torture) anymore that day. "If that's the case then I bid you adieu! Fare-thee-well and bon voyage my children."

The sane half of the group looked rather traumatized by such a dramatic goodbye and hurriedly scrambled out the door with the rest following only seconds behind.

Breathing a collective sigh of relief the ninja were once again comforted to leave the madhouse though they realized they still had to read and know intimately the crazy words of the fanatical director.

Sai was the first to sit down in the lobby, and open his script, his eyes scanning the dialogue. He didn't have to say anything, he knew, but he was still quite interested in the story that the eclectic director came up with.

Both team's eyes met and they all shook their heads, and sat down to do the same. It was a mission after all, and they'd do what they were paid to do.

"It's going to be a long day," Sakura sighed, before glancing over at Tenten who had sat in a chair adjacent to the other kunoichi's.

"You got that right." The brunette responded before burying her nose in the book.

Kakashi was sorely tempted to forgo reading his lines in favor of his orange covered novel, but after one hard warning look from Sakura, the nin opened the script and folded the back over with a dramatic sigh.

Gai and Lee were already making bets on who could read from the front page to the last the quickest.

Sasuke glared at the offending book in his hands, to the point that any onlooker would wonder if he was trying to set the thing on fire just by looking at it.

Naruto started to chuckle but another hot glare from his teammate caused him to go silent, and finally he started to read. He grimaced. The blond thought he'd left this sort of thing behind in his Academy days. He wasn't the best at studying, and after reading one of his spoken lines three times, he realized that there were some things never changed.

For the rest of the afternoon, the shinobi of Konoha sat in the lobby reading the insane, but yet entertaining plot hatched from the mind of The Don.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please remember to review.

HarmonyRose & Lady Kaliska


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